Ideas?

Right now, I am fresh out of ideas as of things to write. I have tried to write a couple of blogs, but all have ended up in the trash, because I couldnt get my point across. So if you have any ideas for things I should write about let me know please.

Trust?

~Trust, defined means an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, and/or truth of someone or something.

~Friend defined is one attached to another by affection or esteem.

There is no denying I have trust issues. I dont even try to hide that fact, in fact, I am completely honest about that fact. And sadly as the years move on, and I grow "Older" and wiser, I trust fewer and fewer people.

There is someone in my family, who has a very similar attitude, or way of thinking, who doesnt get along with many people, and who prefers to remain to herself, with select family around her, sadly even some of her children are not included in that inner circle. I know I am not completely the same thinking as her, as I allow people into my life, and am willing to trust, but it is something a person has to earn, and can very easily be lost. I do not want to end up pushing people away though, and I do my best to make sure that the people who mean so much to me remain in my life.

There are very few people in which I trust completely. I know I can rely on them for anything, and they happen to be wonderful people, and great friends and family.

Being lied to so much throughout life about various instances has made me very cynical. I see the world through shaded glasses. Which in short means, while I believe in the good in people, I dont necessarily believe in people. Which I do not mean to sound condescending about it but that is how I feel about most people.

When you go through life believing something about someone that wasnt true to begin with, then MANY years later to find out that what you thought was true actually was fabricated, brings about a whole lot of questions, as to what actually was the truth.

I have a good support system in my life. People, who like I said, I trust emphatically, who help me to understand and make sense of many things.

Family is a great thing, especially when they are on your side.

I read a question once, asking "Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?"
Well, I am the same person I was 5 years ago, only wiser. With the help of my great friends and family.
However, I am not the same person I was in High School, or that I was as a child. I have not only grown up, and found truths in my life, but I have become MORE secure in who I am, and where I belong. And all the while, in High School, I trusted many more people than I do now, and felt worse about myself.

I am happy with who I am, and dont regret anything in life. Sometimes I try to figure out why I have gone through certain things, try to figure out what is what from the past, BUT I wouldnt change any of it if I could.
I was told before I should regret not going to prom, being a wall flower- anti-social, not having a lot of friends in school. I dont, not by a long shot, none of that would make me who I am. I went to a dance for school in 7th grade, it was boring, and I had no fun. being Anti-Social, or more a Wall Flower that doesnt bother me either, why? because, I know who my true friends are now, and I knew then that people who wanted to know me did know me.

I do not go out of my way to meet people. But I let people into my life, if they choose to be in it. I do my best not to push people away. And I am as true a friend to them as I can be. And I hope they return the favor.

Regretting anything in life, wont get you anywhere. However it will get you a scar on your soul. It gets you a pain in your heart, and gets you questioning much about life.
No, I dont regret anything about my life. Yup some of the things, that have happened have really sucked, some of them have been pretty difficult to deal with, but MANY of them recently have been wonderful.

What I have treasured most the past few years, besides my hubby and daughter (which is the greatest treasure), is learning things about my dad and being able to spend some time with him and my "mom" (step-mom sounds a little mean to me), bringing some great people back into my life, whom have become family. And one that is right up there with my hubby and daughter, is becoming closer with my sister.

Trust is fading in many people, simply because they dont try to keep it. Trust is Not freely given, it must be earned, and maintained, so to speak, because it can very easily be lost.



In life there are very few GREAT people who walk into your life and stay. KEEP them close. Dont let them slip away. Guard them with your heart. Treasure them. And know they are there for you.

For those who mean the world to me, and you know who you are, Thank you for being there for me, thank you for letting me trust in you, thank you for being you. I greatly treasure you, and the fact that you are in my life. Not just now, but ALWAYS.

Much Love.

Memories??

Merriam Webster defines Memories as: the power or process of reproducing or recalling what has been learned and retained especially through associative mechanisms and the storage of things learned and retained from an organism’s activity or experience as evidenced by modification of structure or behavior or by recall and recognition.



I recently heard that it is not “normal” to not remember a lot of events from your childhood. And that if you do not remember a lot, that you have blocked it out of your memory for some reason.

I have never had many memories from growing up. And thinking back on to what very little I can actually remember, the things I do remember, which are very few and far between, are mostly because something bad happened. I remember some good things, but not many.



I was just reading a post that my sister wrote about an adventure we had, that I don’t remember happening. She remembers back when I was really little, probably more than I do.

Things I remember were like walking really far one morning to get to the baby sitter, because the car broke down. Getting yelled at by the baby sitter, getting yelled at by my mom.

I remember when I was in second grade, my brother, sister and I were late to school pretty much every day, because the baby sitter decided she wanted to drop her kids off at school first, even though their school started later than ours. I remember getting yelled at because a crow that had come down the chimney into the house was locked in the den, and I had forgotten and opened the door, and got in trouble. See all of these things aren’t great memories, and are pretty close to the only ones I have for childhood, with the exception of a couple of good memories.



Some people can recall a lot of things about their childhood. I have talked to my hubby about his childhood, and he remembers a whole lot more than I do. He remembers a lot about school and things he did. I cant recall much of anything from elementary, or middle school (besides walking home from school every day), and recall very little from high school, besides mostly not wanting to be there.



So it leaves me to wonder several things, like

1) Is the little bit that I remember actually “normal”?

2) If it is not normal, then why am I repressing so many memories?

3) What would be the cause of the repressed memories?



I know I am not what is described as “Normal” and I have no desire to be. I have no desire to fit in, and I would rather be happy with me, and have my family be happy with me, then to try to fit in. Its not logical to try to please everyone else, and to still remain true to yourself.

There is a saying:

“To thine own self be true”

And if you go around trying to please everyone else, or trying to fit in, then you aren’t being true to yourself.

Maybe I am not being logical thinking that way, but it doesn’t really matter. I know what and who I am, and I know the way I think, and whether or not what I am thinking may be detrimental or just hurtful to anyone. And for the most part it isn’t.

The only part of my personality that is hurtful to people is the fact that I am pretty blunt. I usually say what I am thinking, and tell people how I feel about any and everything. But usually I am also very shy, unless I do have something to say. Then I don’t beat around the bush.


Anyway, whether or not I remember as many things as the “average normal” person, isn’t much of a factor to me, but it does make me wonder a little why I don’t remember as much as “most” people do.

Frazzled

I have had a migraine more often than not (or more like several migraines) over the past few weeks, and it is really getting to me.
To be honest, it feels like someone took a baseball bat and cracked me in the back of the head. I am in a lot of pain, and pretty much nothing relieves it. Occasionally the Excedrin Migraine will help, but not often, more often than not I am in pain lately, and it really sucks. I know what part of it is, I havent been sleeping well, especially the last few nights, and the change in weather, and walking from inside where it is warm to outside where it is cold, that doesnt help.
I have so many migraine triggers though, that its absolutely insane, not to mention very annoying.

One reason for the migraine, like I said is I havent been sleeping well. I dont sleep well to begin with, but the past week it has been a bit explained, as to the lack of more sleep. The past week, and probably for the next two weeks, I am (and have been) pretty frazzled, worried, however you want to put it.
The Hubby, went to the doctor a week ago friday, which there is nothing wrong with that, the doctors were worried about his triglycerides, and his sugars. Both of which his doctor said seemed to be alright. So that is one less worry, however, his doctor also referred him to an Ear,Nose and throat doctor, which in it of itself is no big deal. But They decided that they are going to do surgery, on his nose to fix what was broken many years ago, to maybe help him breathe better. They said it isnt much of a big deal, and it is an outpatient surgery. But yeah, I am a worry wort. Always have been, thats just my nature.
What has me frazzled though, is the fact that they are taking him off of some of his meds. Meds he needs, but the reason they are taking him off of them, is because they can not do the surgery with him on it, because they thin his blood.
The doctors said that they do this sort of thing all of the time, but still, it has me very worried, and not to mention scared.... I have the feeling everything will be just fine, but it doesnt stop the worry.
The surgery is to take place next Monday.

I just had to write my feelings down, maybe it will help with some of the stress, and help to relieve some of the migraine tension. Although I doubt it. But sometimes it does help.

Anyway, I am trying to find things to take my mind off of the worry, it isnt working thus far.

Thank you all for being there for us always. We Love you.
..........

Oh but hey guess what....SNOW is on its way. Another bout of snow is supposed to hit today, they said just a dusting, but some people might get up to an inch....that is probably north of here, but we will see some snow....that seems quite interesting. Too bad I am not going to watch it, the windows are going to fog up, because I have to do laundry today, and the windows fog when I do laundry, long lame story, but bascially it is because of the incompetence of the people who maintain the place here, (and the dumb managers and lack of care by the owners as well) but thats what today entails.