Saturday, December 27, 2008
Ideas?
Right now, I am fresh out of ideas as of things to write. I have tried to write a couple of blogs, but all have ended up in the trash, because I couldnt get my point across. So if you have any ideas for things I should write about let me know please.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Trust?
~Trust, defined means an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, and/or truth of someone or something.
~Friend defined is one attached to another by affection or esteem.
There is no denying I have trust issues. I dont even try to hide that fact, in fact, I am completely honest about that fact. And sadly as the years move on, and I grow "Older" and wiser, I trust fewer and fewer people.
There is someone in my family, who has a very similar attitude, or way of thinking, who doesnt get along with many people, and who prefers to remain to herself, with select family around her, sadly even some of her children are not included in that inner circle. I know I am not completely the same thinking as her, as I allow people into my life, and am willing to trust, but it is something a person has to earn, and can very easily be lost. I do not want to end up pushing people away though, and I do my best to make sure that the people who mean so much to me remain in my life.
There are very few people in which I trust completely. I know I can rely on them for anything, and they happen to be wonderful people, and great friends and family.
Being lied to so much throughout life about various instances has made me very cynical. I see the world through shaded glasses. Which in short means, while I believe in the good in people, I dont necessarily believe in people. Which I do not mean to sound condescending about it but that is how I feel about most people.
When you go through life believing something about someone that wasnt true to begin with, then MANY years later to find out that what you thought was true actually was fabricated, brings about a whole lot of questions, as to what actually was the truth.
I have a good support system in my life. People, who like I said, I trust emphatically, who help me to understand and make sense of many things.
Family is a great thing, especially when they are on your side.
I read a question once, asking "Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?"
Well, I am the same person I was 5 years ago, only wiser. With the help of my great friends and family.
However, I am not the same person I was in High School, or that I was as a child. I have not only grown up, and found truths in my life, but I have become MORE secure in who I am, and where I belong. And all the while, in High School, I trusted many more people than I do now, and felt worse about myself.
I am happy with who I am, and dont regret anything in life. Sometimes I try to figure out why I have gone through certain things, try to figure out what is what from the past, BUT I wouldnt change any of it if I could.
I was told before I should regret not going to prom, being a wall flower- anti-social, not having a lot of friends in school. I dont, not by a long shot, none of that would make me who I am. I went to a dance for school in 7th grade, it was boring, and I had no fun. being Anti-Social, or more a Wall Flower that doesnt bother me either, why? because, I know who my true friends are now, and I knew then that people who wanted to know me did know me.
I do not go out of my way to meet people. But I let people into my life, if they choose to be in it. I do my best not to push people away. And I am as true a friend to them as I can be. And I hope they return the favor.
Regretting anything in life, wont get you anywhere. However it will get you a scar on your soul. It gets you a pain in your heart, and gets you questioning much about life.
No, I dont regret anything about my life. Yup some of the things, that have happened have really sucked, some of them have been pretty difficult to deal with, but MANY of them recently have been wonderful.
What I have treasured most the past few years, besides my hubby and daughter (which is the greatest treasure), is learning things about my dad and being able to spend some time with him and my "mom" (step-mom sounds a little mean to me), bringing some great people back into my life, whom have become family. And one that is right up there with my hubby and daughter, is becoming closer with my sister.
Trust is fading in many people, simply because they dont try to keep it. Trust is Not freely given, it must be earned, and maintained, so to speak, because it can very easily be lost.
In life there are very few GREAT people who walk into your life and stay. KEEP them close. Dont let them slip away. Guard them with your heart. Treasure them. And know they are there for you.
For those who mean the world to me, and you know who you are, Thank you for being there for me, thank you for letting me trust in you, thank you for being you. I greatly treasure you, and the fact that you are in my life. Not just now, but ALWAYS.
Much Love.
~Friend defined is one attached to another by affection or esteem.
There is no denying I have trust issues. I dont even try to hide that fact, in fact, I am completely honest about that fact. And sadly as the years move on, and I grow "Older" and wiser, I trust fewer and fewer people.
There is someone in my family, who has a very similar attitude, or way of thinking, who doesnt get along with many people, and who prefers to remain to herself, with select family around her, sadly even some of her children are not included in that inner circle. I know I am not completely the same thinking as her, as I allow people into my life, and am willing to trust, but it is something a person has to earn, and can very easily be lost. I do not want to end up pushing people away though, and I do my best to make sure that the people who mean so much to me remain in my life.
There are very few people in which I trust completely. I know I can rely on them for anything, and they happen to be wonderful people, and great friends and family.
Being lied to so much throughout life about various instances has made me very cynical. I see the world through shaded glasses. Which in short means, while I believe in the good in people, I dont necessarily believe in people. Which I do not mean to sound condescending about it but that is how I feel about most people.
When you go through life believing something about someone that wasnt true to begin with, then MANY years later to find out that what you thought was true actually was fabricated, brings about a whole lot of questions, as to what actually was the truth.
I have a good support system in my life. People, who like I said, I trust emphatically, who help me to understand and make sense of many things.
Family is a great thing, especially when they are on your side.
I read a question once, asking "Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?"
Well, I am the same person I was 5 years ago, only wiser. With the help of my great friends and family.
However, I am not the same person I was in High School, or that I was as a child. I have not only grown up, and found truths in my life, but I have become MORE secure in who I am, and where I belong. And all the while, in High School, I trusted many more people than I do now, and felt worse about myself.
I am happy with who I am, and dont regret anything in life. Sometimes I try to figure out why I have gone through certain things, try to figure out what is what from the past, BUT I wouldnt change any of it if I could.
I was told before I should regret not going to prom, being a wall flower- anti-social, not having a lot of friends in school. I dont, not by a long shot, none of that would make me who I am. I went to a dance for school in 7th grade, it was boring, and I had no fun. being Anti-Social, or more a Wall Flower that doesnt bother me either, why? because, I know who my true friends are now, and I knew then that people who wanted to know me did know me.
I do not go out of my way to meet people. But I let people into my life, if they choose to be in it. I do my best not to push people away. And I am as true a friend to them as I can be. And I hope they return the favor.
Regretting anything in life, wont get you anywhere. However it will get you a scar on your soul. It gets you a pain in your heart, and gets you questioning much about life.
No, I dont regret anything about my life. Yup some of the things, that have happened have really sucked, some of them have been pretty difficult to deal with, but MANY of them recently have been wonderful.
What I have treasured most the past few years, besides my hubby and daughter (which is the greatest treasure), is learning things about my dad and being able to spend some time with him and my "mom" (step-mom sounds a little mean to me), bringing some great people back into my life, whom have become family. And one that is right up there with my hubby and daughter, is becoming closer with my sister.
Trust is fading in many people, simply because they dont try to keep it. Trust is Not freely given, it must be earned, and maintained, so to speak, because it can very easily be lost.
In life there are very few GREAT people who walk into your life and stay. KEEP them close. Dont let them slip away. Guard them with your heart. Treasure them. And know they are there for you.
For those who mean the world to me, and you know who you are, Thank you for being there for me, thank you for letting me trust in you, thank you for being you. I greatly treasure you, and the fact that you are in my life. Not just now, but ALWAYS.
Much Love.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Memories??
Merriam Webster defines Memories as: the power or process of reproducing or recalling what has been learned and retained especially through associative mechanisms and the storage of things learned and retained from an organism’s activity or experience as evidenced by modification of structure or behavior or by recall and recognition.
I recently heard that it is not “normal” to not remember a lot of events from your childhood. And that if you do not remember a lot, that you have blocked it out of your memory for some reason.
I have never had many memories from growing up. And thinking back on to what very little I can actually remember, the things I do remember, which are very few and far between, are mostly because something bad happened. I remember some good things, but not many.
I was just reading a post that my sister wrote about an adventure we had, that I don’t remember happening. She remembers back when I was really little, probably more than I do.
Things I remember were like walking really far one morning to get to the baby sitter, because the car broke down. Getting yelled at by the baby sitter, getting yelled at by my mom.
I remember when I was in second grade, my brother, sister and I were late to school pretty much every day, because the baby sitter decided she wanted to drop her kids off at school first, even though their school started later than ours. I remember getting yelled at because a crow that had come down the chimney into the house was locked in the den, and I had forgotten and opened the door, and got in trouble. See all of these things aren’t great memories, and are pretty close to the only ones I have for childhood, with the exception of a couple of good memories.
Some people can recall a lot of things about their childhood. I have talked to my hubby about his childhood, and he remembers a whole lot more than I do. He remembers a lot about school and things he did. I cant recall much of anything from elementary, or middle school (besides walking home from school every day), and recall very little from high school, besides mostly not wanting to be there.
So it leaves me to wonder several things, like
1) Is the little bit that I remember actually “normal”?
2) If it is not normal, then why am I repressing so many memories?
3) What would be the cause of the repressed memories?
I know I am not what is described as “Normal” and I have no desire to be. I have no desire to fit in, and I would rather be happy with me, and have my family be happy with me, then to try to fit in. Its not logical to try to please everyone else, and to still remain true to yourself.
There is a saying:
“To thine own self be true”
And if you go around trying to please everyone else, or trying to fit in, then you aren’t being true to yourself.
Maybe I am not being logical thinking that way, but it doesn’t really matter. I know what and who I am, and I know the way I think, and whether or not what I am thinking may be detrimental or just hurtful to anyone. And for the most part it isn’t.
The only part of my personality that is hurtful to people is the fact that I am pretty blunt. I usually say what I am thinking, and tell people how I feel about any and everything. But usually I am also very shy, unless I do have something to say. Then I don’t beat around the bush.
Anyway, whether or not I remember as many things as the “average normal” person, isn’t much of a factor to me, but it does make me wonder a little why I don’t remember as much as “most” people do.
I recently heard that it is not “normal” to not remember a lot of events from your childhood. And that if you do not remember a lot, that you have blocked it out of your memory for some reason.
I have never had many memories from growing up. And thinking back on to what very little I can actually remember, the things I do remember, which are very few and far between, are mostly because something bad happened. I remember some good things, but not many.
I was just reading a post that my sister wrote about an adventure we had, that I don’t remember happening. She remembers back when I was really little, probably more than I do.
Things I remember were like walking really far one morning to get to the baby sitter, because the car broke down. Getting yelled at by the baby sitter, getting yelled at by my mom.
I remember when I was in second grade, my brother, sister and I were late to school pretty much every day, because the baby sitter decided she wanted to drop her kids off at school first, even though their school started later than ours. I remember getting yelled at because a crow that had come down the chimney into the house was locked in the den, and I had forgotten and opened the door, and got in trouble. See all of these things aren’t great memories, and are pretty close to the only ones I have for childhood, with the exception of a couple of good memories.
Some people can recall a lot of things about their childhood. I have talked to my hubby about his childhood, and he remembers a whole lot more than I do. He remembers a lot about school and things he did. I cant recall much of anything from elementary, or middle school (besides walking home from school every day), and recall very little from high school, besides mostly not wanting to be there.
So it leaves me to wonder several things, like
1) Is the little bit that I remember actually “normal”?
2) If it is not normal, then why am I repressing so many memories?
3) What would be the cause of the repressed memories?
I know I am not what is described as “Normal” and I have no desire to be. I have no desire to fit in, and I would rather be happy with me, and have my family be happy with me, then to try to fit in. Its not logical to try to please everyone else, and to still remain true to yourself.
There is a saying:
“To thine own self be true”
And if you go around trying to please everyone else, or trying to fit in, then you aren’t being true to yourself.
Maybe I am not being logical thinking that way, but it doesn’t really matter. I know what and who I am, and I know the way I think, and whether or not what I am thinking may be detrimental or just hurtful to anyone. And for the most part it isn’t.
The only part of my personality that is hurtful to people is the fact that I am pretty blunt. I usually say what I am thinking, and tell people how I feel about any and everything. But usually I am also very shy, unless I do have something to say. Then I don’t beat around the bush.
Anyway, whether or not I remember as many things as the “average normal” person, isn’t much of a factor to me, but it does make me wonder a little why I don’t remember as much as “most” people do.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Frazzled
I have had a migraine more often than not (or more like several migraines) over the past few weeks, and it is really getting to me.
To be honest, it feels like someone took a baseball bat and cracked me in the back of the head. I am in a lot of pain, and pretty much nothing relieves it. Occasionally the Excedrin Migraine will help, but not often, more often than not I am in pain lately, and it really sucks. I know what part of it is, I havent been sleeping well, especially the last few nights, and the change in weather, and walking from inside where it is warm to outside where it is cold, that doesnt help.
I have so many migraine triggers though, that its absolutely insane, not to mention very annoying.
One reason for the migraine, like I said is I havent been sleeping well. I dont sleep well to begin with, but the past week it has been a bit explained, as to the lack of more sleep. The past week, and probably for the next two weeks, I am (and have been) pretty frazzled, worried, however you want to put it.
The Hubby, went to the doctor a week ago friday, which there is nothing wrong with that, the doctors were worried about his triglycerides, and his sugars. Both of which his doctor said seemed to be alright. So that is one less worry, however, his doctor also referred him to an Ear,Nose and throat doctor, which in it of itself is no big deal. But They decided that they are going to do surgery, on his nose to fix what was broken many years ago, to maybe help him breathe better. They said it isnt much of a big deal, and it is an outpatient surgery. But yeah, I am a worry wort. Always have been, thats just my nature.
What has me frazzled though, is the fact that they are taking him off of some of his meds. Meds he needs, but the reason they are taking him off of them, is because they can not do the surgery with him on it, because they thin his blood.
The doctors said that they do this sort of thing all of the time, but still, it has me very worried, and not to mention scared.... I have the feeling everything will be just fine, but it doesnt stop the worry.
The surgery is to take place next Monday.
I just had to write my feelings down, maybe it will help with some of the stress, and help to relieve some of the migraine tension. Although I doubt it. But sometimes it does help.
Anyway, I am trying to find things to take my mind off of the worry, it isnt working thus far.
Thank you all for being there for us always. We Love you.
..........
Oh but hey guess what....SNOW is on its way. Another bout of snow is supposed to hit today, they said just a dusting, but some people might get up to an inch....that is probably north of here, but we will see some snow....that seems quite interesting. Too bad I am not going to watch it, the windows are going to fog up, because I have to do laundry today, and the windows fog when I do laundry, long lame story, but bascially it is because of the incompetence of the people who maintain the place here, (and the dumb managers and lack of care by the owners as well) but thats what today entails.
To be honest, it feels like someone took a baseball bat and cracked me in the back of the head. I am in a lot of pain, and pretty much nothing relieves it. Occasionally the Excedrin Migraine will help, but not often, more often than not I am in pain lately, and it really sucks. I know what part of it is, I havent been sleeping well, especially the last few nights, and the change in weather, and walking from inside where it is warm to outside where it is cold, that doesnt help.
I have so many migraine triggers though, that its absolutely insane, not to mention very annoying.
One reason for the migraine, like I said is I havent been sleeping well. I dont sleep well to begin with, but the past week it has been a bit explained, as to the lack of more sleep. The past week, and probably for the next two weeks, I am (and have been) pretty frazzled, worried, however you want to put it.
The Hubby, went to the doctor a week ago friday, which there is nothing wrong with that, the doctors were worried about his triglycerides, and his sugars. Both of which his doctor said seemed to be alright. So that is one less worry, however, his doctor also referred him to an Ear,Nose and throat doctor, which in it of itself is no big deal. But They decided that they are going to do surgery, on his nose to fix what was broken many years ago, to maybe help him breathe better. They said it isnt much of a big deal, and it is an outpatient surgery. But yeah, I am a worry wort. Always have been, thats just my nature.
What has me frazzled though, is the fact that they are taking him off of some of his meds. Meds he needs, but the reason they are taking him off of them, is because they can not do the surgery with him on it, because they thin his blood.
The doctors said that they do this sort of thing all of the time, but still, it has me very worried, and not to mention scared.... I have the feeling everything will be just fine, but it doesnt stop the worry.
The surgery is to take place next Monday.
I just had to write my feelings down, maybe it will help with some of the stress, and help to relieve some of the migraine tension. Although I doubt it. But sometimes it does help.
Anyway, I am trying to find things to take my mind off of the worry, it isnt working thus far.
Thank you all for being there for us always. We Love you.
..........
Oh but hey guess what....SNOW is on its way. Another bout of snow is supposed to hit today, they said just a dusting, but some people might get up to an inch....that is probably north of here, but we will see some snow....that seems quite interesting. Too bad I am not going to watch it, the windows are going to fog up, because I have to do laundry today, and the windows fog when I do laundry, long lame story, but bascially it is because of the incompetence of the people who maintain the place here, (and the dumb managers and lack of care by the owners as well) but thats what today entails.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
ThankFul
I just wanted to write a quick blog telling My Family (Yup Tammy including you and yours) that you all mean the world to me. And I appreciate you all.
And my friends too.
I am so thankful for my wonderful Family and Friends. And wanted to take the time to tell you all, especially today, Thanksgiving.
I appreciate all you do for us and with us. And I want you all to know that. Whether or not I say it often enough. Its the truth. I really am thankful for all you do.
Happy Holidays.
And my friends too.
I am so thankful for my wonderful Family and Friends. And wanted to take the time to tell you all, especially today, Thanksgiving.
I appreciate all you do for us and with us. And I want you all to know that. Whether or not I say it often enough. Its the truth. I really am thankful for all you do.
Happy Holidays.
Friday, November 21, 2008
To My Sister
I want to tell you I am sorry,
For not talking to you more,
For not telling you how I felt,
And for coming to you with some of my Bigger problems.
I want to tell you Thank you,
For being who you are,
For being there for me and with me,
And for letting me come to you now.
You are a wonderful sister,
You have always been.
There were times when we were younger that I wished that we were closer,
But I am happy we are now.
You have explained so much to me,
Helping me to see the light,
Showing me that the way I thought, wasnt really right,
And Showing me how it really was
Life has taken us down many different roads,
In very different directions from each other.
But still and always you are there for me,
and I want you to know how much that means.
More than words can say,
More than I could ever show,
I am so thankful for you,
And That's what I want you to know.
For not talking to you more,
For not telling you how I felt,
And for coming to you with some of my Bigger problems.
I want to tell you Thank you,
For being who you are,
For being there for me and with me,
And for letting me come to you now.
You are a wonderful sister,
You have always been.
There were times when we were younger that I wished that we were closer,
But I am happy we are now.
You have explained so much to me,
Helping me to see the light,
Showing me that the way I thought, wasnt really right,
And Showing me how it really was
Life has taken us down many different roads,
In very different directions from each other.
But still and always you are there for me,
and I want you to know how much that means.
More than words can say,
More than I could ever show,
I am so thankful for you,
And That's what I want you to know.
Why I left both times
I want to explain something, I have said it before, but I want to say it again..... (and I am not going to use names)
When I left California almost nine years ago, I made a lot of people mad, and left many people hurt. I hurt someone that means the world to me, the most, my beautiful older sister. I hurt my parents too, but hurting my sister bothered me the most. And to a point still does today.
When I left for those two weeks in early 2000, I was pissed off, I had only planned on leaving for a few hours which turned into over night, and then into two weeks. But what happened was all basically a stupid argument between my mom and I involving my brother, that all came to a head and just made me so mad that I left because she said I couldn't.
For many years, mostly my high school years, I felt a lot of pressure on me. Maybe it was all in my head but maybe not. I felt I had to live up to Jess's great grades and any expectations anyone had for me, putting undue stress on myself and others around me I suppose. Then I was in a place I shouldnt have put myself into with a guy that had my self-esteem down to non-existent, and basically had me hoping for death. So when 2000 hit, I was slowly trying to pull myself and everything else together, and trying to be my own person. And I felt like I wasnt allowed to be able to do that. Even before I met my hubby, I told my mom I didnt belong in California, I told her I felt like I never belonged there. Yeah that made her upset, but I am not going to lie about something like that.
The reason for leaving the first time came down to where I was talking on the phone, and its not like I was doing anything to hurt anyone, but mom came in the room and stared at me, so I was telling the person I was talking to that I had to get going, anyway it goes that I didnt immediatly hang up, and so mom had My brother get on the phone and harass me every 30 seconds until I hung up.
After I got off the phone I was already mad that she had him do it that I went in to talk to her, and she ended up yelling at me, and I at her, her never having explained to me why I needed to urgently go get off the phone, and I told her I had to get out of the house for a little while she told me I couldnt leave, so I it made me want to even more. And I did. I grabbed a couple of things and left.
I stayed out a couple of hours, and then was too tired, and still too mad to go back, so I stayed out all night. When I came back in the morning, The locks on the front door were changed. She locked me out of the house. I dont know why, And have as of now still not been told. So I went back to get some clothes later that day.
Anyway long story short, the reason I came back, is because grandma told me I could no longer stay with her "because I was keeping her awake" although I was making no noise at all.
I heard a story which I dont really believe as to why I ended up fighting with my mom and then I came back. Tension and all still between us. She didnt even give me a house key, I had to get it from my brother.
Now as to the second time I left....Still all the time telling mom that I didnt belong in California, I continued on, I had met my hubby in dec of 99 and was talking to him online....I had been telling mom that I wanted to meet him, and then the chance finally came and he came out to california, and mom said he could stay with us (even though she will prolly say otherwise.) and I had been telling her the whole time, I was leaving, and that I didnt belong, and that I had felt for the longest time that moving with him was the right thing for me.
I knew it was where I belonged. That I belonged and still belong with him.
After I left lies were told about me to members of the family, such as I never said I was leaving, I never said that he was coming and all other sorts of things, and none of them have ever been straightened out, because no one has ever confronted me, I have only heard them third hand. But family seems to be cordial with me, although I know some of them are prolly still a little hurt. And I know they (or most of them) still have issues with the fact that I left, and now that I live so far away. I know they have all been relieved that I am happy, and to see that I am happy, and that I have a good life out here. And that I know I belong here, and that my heart is full.
My main reason for writing this is just to state that I dont know what they have heard of know about my reasons for leaving and about any of that. And I dont know if most of them know I am happy, as most of them havent seen it, and sadly, I only talk to them by email now, if at all, which is very sad to me.
But life goes on, and I am not going to live in the past. I dont hold grudges most of the time, and I am happy with who I am and where I am.
I am bothered that some family still seems irritated with me, but I can not and will not do anything about it, until they talk to ME, instead of talking ABOUT me.
Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there.
When I left California almost nine years ago, I made a lot of people mad, and left many people hurt. I hurt someone that means the world to me, the most, my beautiful older sister. I hurt my parents too, but hurting my sister bothered me the most. And to a point still does today.
When I left for those two weeks in early 2000, I was pissed off, I had only planned on leaving for a few hours which turned into over night, and then into two weeks. But what happened was all basically a stupid argument between my mom and I involving my brother, that all came to a head and just made me so mad that I left because she said I couldn't.
For many years, mostly my high school years, I felt a lot of pressure on me. Maybe it was all in my head but maybe not. I felt I had to live up to Jess's great grades and any expectations anyone had for me, putting undue stress on myself and others around me I suppose. Then I was in a place I shouldnt have put myself into with a guy that had my self-esteem down to non-existent, and basically had me hoping for death. So when 2000 hit, I was slowly trying to pull myself and everything else together, and trying to be my own person. And I felt like I wasnt allowed to be able to do that. Even before I met my hubby, I told my mom I didnt belong in California, I told her I felt like I never belonged there. Yeah that made her upset, but I am not going to lie about something like that.
The reason for leaving the first time came down to where I was talking on the phone, and its not like I was doing anything to hurt anyone, but mom came in the room and stared at me, so I was telling the person I was talking to that I had to get going, anyway it goes that I didnt immediatly hang up, and so mom had My brother get on the phone and harass me every 30 seconds until I hung up.
After I got off the phone I was already mad that she had him do it that I went in to talk to her, and she ended up yelling at me, and I at her, her never having explained to me why I needed to urgently go get off the phone, and I told her I had to get out of the house for a little while she told me I couldnt leave, so I it made me want to even more. And I did. I grabbed a couple of things and left.
I stayed out a couple of hours, and then was too tired, and still too mad to go back, so I stayed out all night. When I came back in the morning, The locks on the front door were changed. She locked me out of the house. I dont know why, And have as of now still not been told. So I went back to get some clothes later that day.
Anyway long story short, the reason I came back, is because grandma told me I could no longer stay with her "because I was keeping her awake" although I was making no noise at all.
I heard a story which I dont really believe as to why I ended up fighting with my mom and then I came back. Tension and all still between us. She didnt even give me a house key, I had to get it from my brother.
Now as to the second time I left....Still all the time telling mom that I didnt belong in California, I continued on, I had met my hubby in dec of 99 and was talking to him online....I had been telling mom that I wanted to meet him, and then the chance finally came and he came out to california, and mom said he could stay with us (even though she will prolly say otherwise.) and I had been telling her the whole time, I was leaving, and that I didnt belong, and that I had felt for the longest time that moving with him was the right thing for me.
I knew it was where I belonged. That I belonged and still belong with him.
After I left lies were told about me to members of the family, such as I never said I was leaving, I never said that he was coming and all other sorts of things, and none of them have ever been straightened out, because no one has ever confronted me, I have only heard them third hand. But family seems to be cordial with me, although I know some of them are prolly still a little hurt. And I know they (or most of them) still have issues with the fact that I left, and now that I live so far away. I know they have all been relieved that I am happy, and to see that I am happy, and that I have a good life out here. And that I know I belong here, and that my heart is full.
My main reason for writing this is just to state that I dont know what they have heard of know about my reasons for leaving and about any of that. And I dont know if most of them know I am happy, as most of them havent seen it, and sadly, I only talk to them by email now, if at all, which is very sad to me.
But life goes on, and I am not going to live in the past. I dont hold grudges most of the time, and I am happy with who I am and where I am.
I am bothered that some family still seems irritated with me, but I can not and will not do anything about it, until they talk to ME, instead of talking ABOUT me.
Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there.
Monday, November 17, 2008
World full of MO-RONS
Why is it that so many people in this world are SO dog-gonned Stupid?!
Seriously why? I really want to know....
WARNING SERIOUS VENTING AHEAD
This all stems from a lovely day on Friday, waiting around for the U*S guy to deliver part of the little ones Christmas Present, I knew it was coming, so I made sure I stayed home for it to arrive, (Anyone other than our regular U*S guy is an idiot I swear!)
Everyone already knows I dont care for U*S shipping, but when you buy online you usually dont have much of a choice as to what you get. Now anyway I checked the computer Friday Morning for the tracking on my package, and it said "Attempted to deliver, but no one was home to sign for it 11:15 AM" Ok that is a bunch of BULL CRAP! I was home, was sitting in the living room in fact, at that time, and for 20 minutes before and over an hour after, and NO ONE knocked on the damn door. So I went and contacted U*S, this went on Into the late Evening, because the mo-rons said that someone else had called using a different phone number saying they were me, and requesting to pick up the package. Well it wasnt me. I have no way of getting there to pick it up, and honestly, I have no desire to go there and pick it up in the middle of the night, I am not going to the middle of Cincinnati to pick it up. Finally I told them I wanted it put on the truck THIS MORNING for delivery. IT WASNT!!!!!! Go figure, so I just got off the phone again, short of calling the guy I was talking to a stupid idiot, because it wasnt his fault, it was the mo-ron lady that I talked to at the "local" Shipping Department, anyway they called back about five minutes ago saying it would be on tomorrow's truck. Thing is, I doubt it will be. I have lost faith in U*S a long time ago, and the only reason I still use them, is because for most of the companies I buy from there is no choice, but seriously I am debating on never using these companies again just because of the U*S and their lovely "Delivery Methods"
OKay, and besides from the lovely U*S people, I swear I am going to get a bumper sticker to put on my car that says "Hi Mo Ron, Do you think you can drive better today?" or Just simply "Get Your Head Out Of Your Ass, and Hang UP"
Sorry if you drive with the cell phone to your ear, but it really irritates me. Usually because people that do it, have no regard for other drivers, and are driving like bats out of hell, or just plain driving all over the road. I dont have a cell phone, dont have a need for one at the moment, but come on people be a little bit more courteous to other people and get off the stupid phone!
I know some states have laws about driving and talking on your cell phone, I think California is one of them. But here in Lovely KY there is no such law, thus we have stupid IDIOTS all over the road.....I have seen them, doing all of the following at the same time, Smoking, "Trying to drive", Talking on the cell phone, and eating....WHO in this world can do that safely...Thats right NO ONE....
I dont contribute to their stupidy, and to be honest am often glad I dont drive unless absolutely necessary, because if I did, I would have major Road Rage!
Ok enough belly aching for now, sorry sometimes when you are aggravated you just really need to get it out...And since I got this I think thats a good way to do it.....please forgive my lovely "french" too.... I may get irritated very easily,with some things, but it is more the stupidity of people that really is irritating.
Seriously why? I really want to know....
WARNING SERIOUS VENTING AHEAD
This all stems from a lovely day on Friday, waiting around for the U*S guy to deliver part of the little ones Christmas Present, I knew it was coming, so I made sure I stayed home for it to arrive, (Anyone other than our regular U*S guy is an idiot I swear!)
Everyone already knows I dont care for U*S shipping, but when you buy online you usually dont have much of a choice as to what you get. Now anyway I checked the computer Friday Morning for the tracking on my package, and it said "Attempted to deliver, but no one was home to sign for it 11:15 AM" Ok that is a bunch of BULL CRAP! I was home, was sitting in the living room in fact, at that time, and for 20 minutes before and over an hour after, and NO ONE knocked on the damn door. So I went and contacted U*S, this went on Into the late Evening, because the mo-rons said that someone else had called using a different phone number saying they were me, and requesting to pick up the package. Well it wasnt me. I have no way of getting there to pick it up, and honestly, I have no desire to go there and pick it up in the middle of the night, I am not going to the middle of Cincinnati to pick it up. Finally I told them I wanted it put on the truck THIS MORNING for delivery. IT WASNT!!!!!! Go figure, so I just got off the phone again, short of calling the guy I was talking to a stupid idiot, because it wasnt his fault, it was the mo-ron lady that I talked to at the "local" Shipping Department, anyway they called back about five minutes ago saying it would be on tomorrow's truck. Thing is, I doubt it will be. I have lost faith in U*S a long time ago, and the only reason I still use them, is because for most of the companies I buy from there is no choice, but seriously I am debating on never using these companies again just because of the U*S and their lovely "Delivery Methods"
OKay, and besides from the lovely U*S people, I swear I am going to get a bumper sticker to put on my car that says "Hi Mo Ron, Do you think you can drive better today?" or Just simply "Get Your Head Out Of Your Ass, and Hang UP"
Sorry if you drive with the cell phone to your ear, but it really irritates me. Usually because people that do it, have no regard for other drivers, and are driving like bats out of hell, or just plain driving all over the road. I dont have a cell phone, dont have a need for one at the moment, but come on people be a little bit more courteous to other people and get off the stupid phone!
I know some states have laws about driving and talking on your cell phone, I think California is one of them. But here in Lovely KY there is no such law, thus we have stupid IDIOTS all over the road.....I have seen them, doing all of the following at the same time, Smoking, "Trying to drive", Talking on the cell phone, and eating....WHO in this world can do that safely...Thats right NO ONE....
I dont contribute to their stupidy, and to be honest am often glad I dont drive unless absolutely necessary, because if I did, I would have major Road Rage!
Ok enough belly aching for now, sorry sometimes when you are aggravated you just really need to get it out...And since I got this I think thats a good way to do it.....please forgive my lovely "french" too.... I may get irritated very easily,with some things, but it is more the stupidity of people that really is irritating.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Marriage
Marriage defined simply means "a close and intimate union."
Being Married and being Legally Married are two entirely different things, well maybe not entirely different, but they are different.
Politically correct or not, being married DOES NOT mean you have to have a license telling you that you are together "forever" by law. It is not a piece of paper stating that you have his name forever.
People can be Legally married and not be happy. It happens all the time. Thus the reason for so many divorces.
Many states have Common Law Marriage, which means that if you have lived your life together with someone for so many years, that you by common law are married to that person. Other states have chosen to not enact this law.
2000 years ago, did people go get a license to get married? No, they didnt have such a thing, they stood in front of someone who performed a ceremony and betrothed them together forever.
Nowadays people are getting married without thinking that Forever is Forever. And with second thoughts, or jealousy towards their significant others. Going into any commitment, whether it be a marriage or a spiritual commitment to a significant other, You can not have jealousy, or second thoughts, and you need to think about forever.
Some people forget that when you are getting married to someone that there are BOTH good and bad times, and sometimes really rough and tough times. Its all a part of life, and Marriage.
Not just because they are good looking, or they make you laugh or make you feel good, but for all of them. They take you as you are, and you take them for who they are.
Marriage is a trust, a heartfelt union of two bodies, minds and souls for a period of time, which should be forever.
Now getting to my point. I am not Legally Married. But I am Married. I have never stood before a judge and pledged my love for him. I have no piece of paper telling me that we are going to be together forever. I have not his last name.
BUT I have his heart, I have his Love and he is my life. I have pledged my love to him. And he to me, and we feel we are married, regardless of what the laws say, and what anyone else might say, or think.
We have had many people judge us because of the age difference, and many people dont try to understand.
Through good times and bad times, through wonderful times and hard times, I am right here beside him. For better of worse, forever and ever.
When you love someone you love them for who they are, heart, mind, body, and soul.
He is my heart, he is my soul, and he makes me whole. He understands me, and he completes me (as much as that sounds like a cheesy quote from a movie, its not). He comforts me, and treats me right. He is my best friend, and he is always here for me.
Married legally or not, I am married to him, he and I are a wonderful union, and we fit together nicely.
Some people understand that, some people may not, and to be completely honest, it doesnt matter to me, because I know what I have, and I am truly blessed to have it. What I know is I do not need a piece of paper to tell me that he is my Husband.
I am not saying that it would not be nice to be legally married, because you know what, it would. It would be nice to legally have his last name, but it isnt everything.
I am happy, he is happy, our family is happy, and that is what is important.
You have to take life as it is handed to you. And live life for what it is. Enjoy the love that comes into your life. And Celebrate it.
True Love is out there for everyone. Finding it is not always easy. But its there.
Everything Happens for a Reason, Something good, no matter how small, comes out of everything.
It seems to me though that Forever, well it just doesnt seem that long.
Being Married and being Legally Married are two entirely different things, well maybe not entirely different, but they are different.
Politically correct or not, being married DOES NOT mean you have to have a license telling you that you are together "forever" by law. It is not a piece of paper stating that you have his name forever.
People can be Legally married and not be happy. It happens all the time. Thus the reason for so many divorces.
Many states have Common Law Marriage, which means that if you have lived your life together with someone for so many years, that you by common law are married to that person. Other states have chosen to not enact this law.
2000 years ago, did people go get a license to get married? No, they didnt have such a thing, they stood in front of someone who performed a ceremony and betrothed them together forever.
Nowadays people are getting married without thinking that Forever is Forever. And with second thoughts, or jealousy towards their significant others. Going into any commitment, whether it be a marriage or a spiritual commitment to a significant other, You can not have jealousy, or second thoughts, and you need to think about forever.
Some people forget that when you are getting married to someone that there are BOTH good and bad times, and sometimes really rough and tough times. Its all a part of life, and Marriage.
Not just because they are good looking, or they make you laugh or make you feel good, but for all of them. They take you as you are, and you take them for who they are.
Marriage is a trust, a heartfelt union of two bodies, minds and souls for a period of time, which should be forever.
Now getting to my point. I am not Legally Married. But I am Married. I have never stood before a judge and pledged my love for him. I have no piece of paper telling me that we are going to be together forever. I have not his last name.
BUT I have his heart, I have his Love and he is my life. I have pledged my love to him. And he to me, and we feel we are married, regardless of what the laws say, and what anyone else might say, or think.
We have had many people judge us because of the age difference, and many people dont try to understand.
Through good times and bad times, through wonderful times and hard times, I am right here beside him. For better of worse, forever and ever.
When you love someone you love them for who they are, heart, mind, body, and soul.
He is my heart, he is my soul, and he makes me whole. He understands me, and he completes me (as much as that sounds like a cheesy quote from a movie, its not). He comforts me, and treats me right. He is my best friend, and he is always here for me.
Married legally or not, I am married to him, he and I are a wonderful union, and we fit together nicely.
Some people understand that, some people may not, and to be completely honest, it doesnt matter to me, because I know what I have, and I am truly blessed to have it. What I know is I do not need a piece of paper to tell me that he is my Husband.
I am not saying that it would not be nice to be legally married, because you know what, it would. It would be nice to legally have his last name, but it isnt everything.
I am happy, he is happy, our family is happy, and that is what is important.
You have to take life as it is handed to you. And live life for what it is. Enjoy the love that comes into your life. And Celebrate it.
True Love is out there for everyone. Finding it is not always easy. But its there.
Everything Happens for a Reason, Something good, no matter how small, comes out of everything.
It seems to me though that Forever, well it just doesnt seem that long.
Mish Mosh
So my first blog entry, well not really if you think about it, I have written several before but my first entry here.
She talked me into it...She said that she was nagged until she made a blog, and somehow she talked me into it, she is so persuasive.
Saying I am a good writer....pashawww......
Seriously though, sometimes a person just needs a place to vent or to just talk about things, by writing them out. And today was not such a great day trying to deal with a crap delivery guy who said that he attempted to deliver a package to us, but never did. And just stress and all that great stuff. And I am attempting to write something on top of that, which is kinda getting to my head....its not difficult or anything, but I am just trying to figure out how to word it all correctly.
I have been waking up too early for two weeks now, I want to sleep in until 5 That is what time I should be getting up but instead I have been waking up at four, So on top of my already "Sunny Disposition" I have been extremely "Sunnier" How fun.
To explain the name of the blog...Yeah if you know me you know why I chose it, I shouldnt need to explain the whole frog thing.
Ok, so for now, I am done, I will write some more at a later date, Remember
Frogs Rule
She talked me into it...She said that she was nagged until she made a blog, and somehow she talked me into it, she is so persuasive.
Saying I am a good writer....pashawww......
Seriously though, sometimes a person just needs a place to vent or to just talk about things, by writing them out. And today was not such a great day trying to deal with a crap delivery guy who said that he attempted to deliver a package to us, but never did. And just stress and all that great stuff. And I am attempting to write something on top of that, which is kinda getting to my head....its not difficult or anything, but I am just trying to figure out how to word it all correctly.
I have been waking up too early for two weeks now, I want to sleep in until 5 That is what time I should be getting up but instead I have been waking up at four, So on top of my already "Sunny Disposition" I have been extremely "Sunnier" How fun.
To explain the name of the blog...Yeah if you know me you know why I chose it, I shouldnt need to explain the whole frog thing.
Ok, so for now, I am done, I will write some more at a later date, Remember
Frogs Rule
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